


Flower

by Belsmomaus



Series: Malec - Advent Calendar 2018 [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Immortality, M/M, Protective Magnus Bane, Soulmates, Trust Issues, immortality issues, kind of, married Malec, not between Magnus and Alec!, references to episode 2.19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-24 21:59:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17108879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belsmomaus/pseuds/Belsmomaus
Summary: He felt the others’ gazes on him, Luke’s pity and Raphael’s silent support and Alexander’s guilt. And he hated it. Hated that she had laid his vulnerabilities open for everyone to see.___The Seelie Queen hasn’t been seen since that day she showed up at the Downworld council meeting to declare herself speaking for the entire Downworld. Now she is back. Unannounced. At the Downworld council.This could only mean trouble.___This is the one, where Magnus realizes that he really, really hates seeing flowers in the Seelie Queen's hands!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this one is the last story in this series and my personal favorite. I don't know why, maybe because it turned out to be the biggest challenge to write?
> 
> Anyway, this story takes place about 8-10 years in the future (again, remember, I don't know the books).  
> Raphael is back, not just in town but also as leader of the Manhattan clan. He's also speaking for whole vampire population of New York by now.  
> Luke is speaking for all the werewolves.  
> And Magnus is back to being High Warlock of Brooklyn again. I wanted to make him speak for all warlocks, but then I read somewhere that he explicitly didn't want to be the High Warlock of New York because it's too much responsibility (?). So, he's the High Warlock of Brooklyn, representing the Warlocks at the Downworld council, but for big and important decisions he always consults with the High Warlocks of the other burroughs first. It's not really all that important, just so you understand my phrasing in one scene. 
> 
> Alright, that's all you need to know for now.
> 
> Enjoy!

_**Flower** _

Magnus

 

 

“Magnus,” Alec complained against his lips, “we should-”

Magnus didn’t let him finish, instead he pressed even closer, using the desk behind Alec to his advantage, effectively caging him in. His fingers scraped through the short hair at Alec’s neck.

“They won’t mind, if we’re a little late,” he purred, stealing another kiss from those delicious lips. He wasn’t quite ready to share his Alexander with his work yet. Not after having him all to himself for a whole week.

And although those sweet and pliant lips on his said one thing, the gentle push against his shoulders spoke another language. “But I do.”

He sighed and took a step back, accepting Alec’s wishes, but not without a pout. “They all know it’s your first day back at work. Your first day as a married man.” He took the other’s left hand, lifted it up and entwined their fingers right in their lines of sight. The golden wedding bands on their hands flashed in the light. “The first Shadowhunter ever married to a Downworlder in a ceremony recognized by the Clave.” His voice shook a little, still overwhelmed with the magnitude of change. Change he’d always thought impossible. He quickly changed the subject back to things he _could_ comprehend without frying his brain.

“A Downworlder, I might add, who’s got it on good authority that the other council members won’t mind if we take a few more minutes to...”

There’s a knock on the door, hard and urgent. Even if it weren’t, Magnus knew when he’d lost a battle. He wouldn’t get another taste of his husband. Not until _after_ the meeting at least.

The door opened. The interruption alone not rude enough, no, whoever it was also thought it acceptable to barge in without waiting for an answer. No matter how far they’ve come politically, _manners_ were obviously still a work in progress for nephilims.

“Alec, you need to-” Jace rushed in, then stopped and trailed off as he realized that he’d interrupted _a moment_.

Alec lowered their joined hands, but he didn’t let go. Such a little thing and yet it still made his heart fill with warmth. “I know, we’re late. I’m sorry, Jace. We were just about to-”

“Alec,” Jace interrupted. There’s an urgency about him that let all kinds of alarms go off in Magnus’ mind. “ _She_ is here!”

She? What’s that’s supposed to…

His heart skipped a beat.

No!

“Why?” Alexander asked, straight and serious and in full blown ‘Head of the Institute’-mode, whereas Magnus was still stuck on a disbelieving ‘what?’.

Jace shook his head. “I don’t know. She just showed up, said she’d attend this meeting herself. I don’t like this Alec. The last time she came in person...” Jace trailed off, his eyes darted to Magnus. Only for a second, but Magnus didn’t miss it. Didn’t miss the unspoken reminders hanging in the air.

“This can’t be good.” He hadn’t meant to say it. It had just slipped out.

“We better get going then,” Alec said and tugged him along towards the door. “Let’s find out what the Seelie Queen wants.”

 

 

***

 

 

You could’ve cut through the tension in the atmosphere with a seraph blade, for Magnus doubted that anything else would’ve been sharp enough to actually cut it.

Luke made no attempt to hide his wariness. Every muscle in his body was tense as he leaned as far back as his chair allowed to have them all in plain sight.

Raphael was his usual indifferent self, at least on the surface. Magnus knew him too well to not notice the telltale signs of his unease.

Alexander next to him sat tall, his back straight, his face exuding nothing but polite professionalism. His hands, clasped in front of him on the table, gave him away, though, with his knuckles white with pressure.

The Queen practically throned on her seat opposite Alec, regal and beautiful and dangerous, although her youthful appearance might have fooled anybody who didn’t know her. No doubt she was very well aware of the tension all around, yet she chose to completely ignore it. Instead her ancient gaze rested on him and Alexander and this creepy little smile played across her lips that sent chills down his spine.

Facing that gaze was the hardest thing he’d done in quite a while. Her mere presence here woke up memories he’d rather forget. Memories of darker times. Of grave mistakes and betrayals, on all sides. He had trusted her then, enough to safe his people. In the end he had lost his title, had almost lost Alec while _she_ had made a deal with the enemy. His anger at that still burned hot inside his veins. As did the shame for his own actions.

He clenched his teeth and squared his shoulders. He would _not_ let her get to him this time.

She had yet to speak apart from that greeting earlier. Her motives for her being here still unknown – although they would probably stay that way, with seelies and their fable for concealing the truth behind so many veils you couldn’t possibly dream to even get a glimpse at it.

Maybe that thought sounded overly bitter.

Maybe it was just his worry talking.

No one had seen her since that affair with Valentine. Sure, she had sent Meliorn to the meetings afterwards to represent the seelies’ interests, but other than that she’d stayed hidden and silent. No more far-from-funny games with either of them, not even with Simon.

But now she was here again.

In person.

With Meliorn right behind her, striking as ever and poised like a bodyguard. Although he wore casual clothes instead of armor, light and elegant, which didn’t go unnoticed by any of them. And it was that fact that Magnus put all his hope on.

But even with no obvious declaration of war, seelies were unpredictable. Their queen more than anyone else.

“Well,” Alec started, “I can’t help but wondering: what brings you here in person this time, your Highness?”

She cocked her head to the side. “This _is_ the Downworld meeting, is it not? All the other respective Downworld leaders are here in person, so why shouldn’t I come in myself from time to time?”

“Of course you can,” Alec was quick to assure her, “it’s just that you leaving your realm for a normal meeting with no notable topics to discuss is rather… unusual.”

Magnus snorted. Only in his mind, of course!

Her eyes flicked up, their blue bright amidst the golden dust that peppered her eyes like make-up. “Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong, Mr. Lightwood. There are two notable topics to discuss.”

There was this cold, heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach all of a sudden. There was nothing of significance to discuss today, so if she thought there was, then those topics were very important to the seelies and therefore to her. He racked his brain for anything that would explain her actions, any hints that Meliorn might have made. The relationship between the Downworld and the Clave wasbetter than it has been in centuries – which was frankly freaking him out some days – and the relationships between the Downworlders themselves were closer than they’ve been in a very long time. For once they experienced something that actually deserved the name ‘peace’, so what could possibly warrant a visit with the intention to _discuss_ _notable topics_ from the Queen herself?

Raphael’s gaze darted towards him, seeking understanding that Magnus couldn’t offer.

Luke fidgeted in his seat.

And Alec merely raised an eyebrow at her, although the knuckles of his hands had turned a tad whiter. “I’m not aware of any current disturbances in the Shadow World, but if you’ve got important issues to bring in front of this council, then I’m all ears. We all are. That’s what this council is there for after all.”

“Well spoken, Mr. Lightwood,” the Queen acknowledged with a nod and a private little smile. “The first _issue_ , if you want to call it that, would be the matter of your recent union.” Her gaze switched from Alec to him and back again, before she tilted her head and rolled her eyes up in thought. “Marriage, you call it, if I’m not mistaken.”

He couldn’t help it, he looked over to Alexander, caught his gaze. It seemed they were both equally out of the loop here.

“I think congratulations are in order, Mr. Lightwood, Mr. Bane.”

Magnus blinked. And for a moment he’s lost for words.

Alec didn’t fare much better.

Magnus could see the same confusion and uncertainty in his husbands eyes that made himself wary. When Alec reached out his hand, he offered his own without hesitation, glad for the comfort of his touch as well.

And he finally found his voice again. “Thank you.” _But it’s Lightwood-Bane now_.

He just couldn’t summon the same politeness Alec did. He was still too pissed with her. And obviously still too stunned to correct her. As was Alec.

“That’s too kind of you. But I doubt that’s the main reason that led you here today.”

“And why would you say that, Mr. Lightwood? Your marriage wasn’t just any union between two people who happen to love each other. I think you haven’t fully grasped the importance of that event yet.”

Alright, he finally got an idea of what she was referring to in her own mysterious – or rather elaborate – way. And if he was right, then it enraged him even more, because she _had a point_. And there was nothing more infuriating than when someone you’re angry with was actually _right_ about something.

“You, Mr. Lightwood, have done more for the Downworld in those last years than I would’ve ever thought possible from a shadowhunter. You treat anyone with the same respect and justice, no matter their blood. Which in and off itself is admirable. But you not only married a Downworlder, the first Head of an Institute to ever do so, you got the Clave to _recognize_ that union as _equal_. You proofed that even the Clave can change.” A mischievous grin tugged at her lips. “At least when faced with the powerful and stubborn force that is one Alexander Lightwood.”

So she had finally gotten the message as well.

Magnus might have allowed his own bitterness to get a hold of him, hadn’t that squeeze of his hand directed his attention to Alexander. Who cleared his throat and ever so subtly averted his eyes. Even after everything – his dear Alexander was still too humble to be comfortable with such praise.

All the more reason to love him.

“As it turned out,” she continued and when Magnus looked back at her, he suddenly found himself at the receiving end of her piercing gaze, “letting your crush get in the way was the answer to protecting all our people.”

The words stung. A biting reminder of that glorious mistake of taking his chances with her instead of Alec. He swallowed against the memory, a biting remark already on his lips. It died there, like acid on his tongue, as that damn woman didn’t even give him the chance to retaliate.

“Which leads me directly to my second reason for coming here.” She straightened her shoulders, tilted her chin up a bit and her eyes flickered across them all. And Magnus realized in wonder that she was _nervous_.

That more than anything stunned him into curious silence.

“I have already ruled my people for a long time when even the oldest of you was just a child.” Her gaze singled him out, for obvious reasons. He held that gaze and for the first time he thought he could glimpse said age in more than her eyes. It sent chills down his spine. “And in all that time I have never done what I am about to do now. But with recent developments, with not just peace, but respectful cooperation between all Shadow Worlders for the first time _ever_ , with all that change in the world it might be time for my people to change as well.”

The silence in the room was palpable. It was like a living, breathing entity that used up all the air. History was about to be made, they could all feel it.

He was glad for Alexander’s hand in his.

“And it is my duty as their Queen to show them the path. I want to honor our peaceful cooperation by respecting you and your customs. I hereby apologize to you all.”

His mouth went slack. He couldn’t help it. He could only stare.

“Mr. Graymark, Mr. Santiago, Mr. Bane, I apologize for betraying your allegiance by cutting a deal with our enemy. And Mr. Lightwood, I apologize for judging your character too hasty and by the low standards countless generations of shadowhunters have set in the past. I apologize to you all for aiding our enemy in almost achieving his goals to destroy us all.”

The sound of sporadic shaky breaths rattled eerily loud in the room. Speechless didn’t really cut it. This was the most unheard action Magnus had ever witnessed. And he’d seen a lot of odd or extraordinary things in his long life.

But the Seelie Queen apologizing?

To them?

To a _shadowhunter_?

Magnus blinked. Squeezed Alec’s hand. Forced his open mouth shut. Took a deep breath. One action at a time and all the while he tried to get his reeling mind back to work.

That’s when he noticed the way Meliorn was eyeing his queen. His posture was still all proud warrior and protector, but there was something in his eyes, the faintest trace of shocked disbelief that told him that Meliorn hadn’t known about his queen’s betrayal.

Either that or he hadn’t known what she’d intended to do upon coming here.

To his surprise, it was Luke who found his voice again first. “On behalf of the New York packs I accept your apology, my Lady.”

Raphael nodded, still visibly stunned. “As do I on behalf of the New York vampires.”

No matter if he liked her or not, that woman earned his respect for what she’d just done.

He bowed his head at her. “I cannot speak for all the warlocks in New York, but on behalf of the community in Brooklyn, I accept your apology.”

“I know from experience how hard it can be to overcome ancient habits and rules and open up to change and yet I cannot begin to fathom how difficult it must have been for you to do what you did just now. I appreciate your gesture and accept your apology on behalf of the shadowhunters. May this be the start to a more trusting future!”

Magnus thought he stared again, only this time at Alec. If this went on he’d make an even bigger fool of himself as he already had. But when had his Alexander become so good with words?

The Queen smiled. Her posture was lighter, the nervousness gone again. That mischievous twinkle was back in her eyes.

And Magnus was reminded again, that she still _was_ a seelie.

“Funny that you phrased it like that.”

And the tension was back in the room.

“I have a wedding present for the both of you.”

That was honestly the _last_ thing he’d expected.

She reached down and pulled something from somewhere in between the fluttering light-blue layers of her dress. Cradling it between both her hollowed hands, she stood up to reach further across the table and gently put down a pale pink blossom right in front of them.

Magnus recoiled. Every instinct within him was screaming at him to refuse this gift. If he never saw that woman presenting him with a flower again it was still too soon! Even years later the pain of bad decisions, of almost loosing Alec still hurt. It didn’t help that this one looked completely different. It was bigger and of a dark, reddish pink instead of blood red. But most of all, it wasn’t a fresh blossom. It looked stiff and waxy.

And it was practically pulsing with magic.

Alec studied the blossom with interest as well as confusion. And a healthy dose of skepticism. “What is it?”

“It’s a _coimeasg_.” Even if he had another century, he doubted he’d ever be able to wrap his tongue around pronouncing whatever the hell just came out of her mouth. “It is one of the most sacred gifts a queen is able to make. Till today it has never been bestowed on anyone without seelie blood.”

It might be a never before seen honor to be presented with one of these-- blossoms, that still didn’t mean he had to like it, though.

“Forgive my ignorance, your Highness,” Alexander said, diplomat through and through, “I get that this is a great honor, but I still don’t know what it is. What do you do with it?”

She smiled again. This time for real. Her whole face became softer, her eyes alight with mirth. “It’s a hibiscus blossom. Glacéed. You eat it.”

Laughter pearled from her lips, light and fresh and childlike. Nothing about it sounded condescending and yet Magnus couldn’t help feeling that that’s exactly what it was.

Did she really expect them to simply take her word for it and just _eat_ it?

“My Lady,” he started, tone suave, smile in place, but a quiet warning right there in the intensity of his gaze, “I’ve seen up close what your people’s food can do to those who don’t share your blood. That’s something I neither desire for my husband nor myself. Especially when it’s obvious that your gift is more than just a sweet treat. Otherwise it wouldn’t be treated with such appreciation.” A one-sided grin tugged at his lips, maybe a tad too sly for this setting. He didn’t care. “And there’s the fact that it’s so saturated with magic that my fingers tingle with it.”

The Queen nodded his way, an approving smile on her face. “It’s hard to miss, I guess. And I didn’t expect you to eat it simply because I gave it to you. I expect you to eat it because you want to.”

Seriously?

He couldn’t think of anything that would possibly make him _want_ to eat some highly magical flower from the seelie realm.

“I’m not sure-” Alec said, unsure and hesitating, but the Queen didn’t let him speak his mind.

“Transparency. That was your goal for this council, right, Mr. Lightwood? Complete transparency in all matters that regard the Downworld.”

Alexander nodded.

“Very well then. To a seelie marriage is a foreign concept. We love to love, without caring for age or gender, all that stupid nonsense humans are so peculiar about. The love of a seelie burns bright like a star and just like the light of a star it rarely falls on just one person at a time. The love of a seelie is fleeting like the wind, drawn to new adventures, for staying to long in one place means stagnation. My people are the spirit of nature itself, and nature is in constant flux, always growing, rebuilding, reinventing itself. Stagnation – _boredom_ – is the most detrimental thing that can happen to a seelie.”

For a second time the room was stunned into silence.

Sure, Magnus had had dealings with a lot of seelies in his long life, he’d shared his bed with some and even his heart with one or two, nothing of what the Queen had just said was new to him, but it had taken him centuries to figure some of it out. No matter how close you got, most seelies were anything but forthcoming with information about themselves or their people.

And yet here she was, the Seelie Queen herself, sharing intimate information about her people with outsiders. _With a_ _shadowhunter_.

The question was: _why_?

“It’s very rare, but sometimes two seelies find each other and their love isn’t fleeting and burns just for one another without ever falling prey to stagnation in their hearts. On the contrary, their union only makes them shine brighter, a beacon of vitality and innovation. And inspiration. Such pairs are cherished among my people and it is my honor as their queen to present them with the _coimeasg_ , the sacred blossom in front of you.”

Was she talking about something like-- soulmates?

Was that…

His thoughts suddenly came to a staggering stop as it slowly dawned on him: she thought _them_ – Alexander and him – to be like those rare and special seelies. That the love they shared equaled that wondrous connection that she couldn’t understand but held in the highest of regards. That _together_ they shone brighter than separate. And although Alexander had done most of the visible work, bringing about change these last years had been a joint effort. Not just of the two of them, but there was no denying that they _had_ been at the center of it.

Inspiring others.

It left him speechless.

“I’m,” Alexander started, his voice rough with wonder, then cleared his throat. He gave his hand a quick squeeze, just enough to make him tear his eyes away from the queen and look at his husband. To everyone else it was just a quick glance, to them it was a wordless conversation. “ _We_ are honored to receive this sacred gift from you, your Highness. It seems to hold a lot of meaning to your people, but I fear we still don’t grasp the full meaning of it. What _is_ this--” For a second it actually looked as if his brave and sometimes adorably stupid husband wanted to try himself at the seelie word itself, before he thought better of it. “--blossom?”

There was something open and _warm_ in her gaze as she answered, something that didn’t fit her cryptic answer in typical seelie fashion at all. “It’s a chance.”

Just as Magnus was about to ask ‘a chance for what?’, her eyes settled on him, still strangely open, but he could also spot the oceans of centuries in those bright blue orbs.

“You’re afraid of loneliness, Magnus Bane. Living on when those you love find their natural end, being left alone with the pain of their loss. You try to ignore it, but it nags at you from the inside. That blossom is your chance to banish your greatest fear forever.”

His heart was racing, his palms sweaty. How could she know?

He felt the others’ gazes on him, Luke’s pity and Raphael’s silent support and Alexander’s guilt. And he hated it. Hated that she had laid his vulnerabilities open for everyone to see.

And what did she mean by that? How could that magical blossom take his fear of the hopefully distant future away?

The Queen gave no answers to the questions that were undoubtedly easy to read on his face right now. She merely settled her ancient eyes on Alec. And Magnus was surprised to notice that he was both curious and afraid of what she might say to him.

“For you, Alexander Lightwood, it is far more difficult and yet quite simple.” Great, could she be any _more_ cryptic? “The _coimeasg_ is your chance at immortality.”

 

_to be continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coimeasg (Gaelic) - to mix, to combine, to merge (please correct me if I'm wrong and my Google research turned out wrong!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for the angsty part now ;)

 

“No way, Alexander!” He shook his head vehemently. It didn’t take long before he couldn’t stand that nervous itch in his bones a second longer. He started pacing again. Alec’s office wasn’t made for pacing.

Alec leaned against his desk, his arms crossed, and sighed.

How could he be so calm?

“Why not? Give me one good reason, Magnus!”

“One?” He stopped abruptly and stared at his husband as if he’d just turned into a goat. “One?” he said again, voice raised now as he threw his arms up in his disbelief, his frustration. They grew a life of their own, accompanying each of his words with exaggerated gestures as he started pacing again. “I could give you a dozen! More even! But you want one? Fine, one you shall have: _she’s a seelie!_ And she’s not just any seelie, she’s their queen! She’s a master manipulator. She had countless centuries to perfect the art of bending the truth by withholding just enough information to lead you astray and into her trap. Without ever telling a lie.”

The answering eye-roll pissed him off. Even more so than the annoyed tone.

“Haven’t we been over this already?”

“Obviously not,” he hissed back, “since you still don’t see it!” He spun around again at the end of the room, his pulse still racing, driving him into another round across the office.

“Magnus!”

Had the room always been this small?

“ _Magnus!_ ”

A hand at his elbow stopped him in his tracks. His hands twitched. His legs itched to move. He didn’t meet Alexander’s gaze.

“This isn’t about that and you know it. She was different today. Open in a way I have never seen a seelie, let alone the queen. I’ve learned more today than I ever have from any book I’ve ever read. You were there, Magnus! She apologized, revealed sensitive information about her people, answered any question, admitted to not knowing something and on top of all of that: she would gain _nothing_ by hurting us in any way. On the contrary! By the angel, I can’t believe it myself, but I believe she told us the truth. The _whole_ truth!”

He wanted to argue, wanted to dissect each and every point just made and throw it back at Alec. He wanted nothing more, but he couldn’t. The air left his lungs in a shaky exhale and he felt himself deflate like a balloon.

Because Alexander was right.

If he listened to his guts, he knew that for once she _had_ told the truth.

But admitting that also meant facing the real reason for his racing heart and his need to stay in motion, to do something, to not stop, because stopping meant time for thinking. And he couldn’t think.

Couldn’t breathe.

He jerked free of Alexander’s hold and resumed his pacing.

“I could be with you forever. Don’t you want that?”

_Don’t I want that? Of course I fucking want that, you idiot, and that’s exactly the problem!_

“Didn’t you listen?” he asked instead. “This isn’t just your regular parabatai bond. Our souls would be knitted together in a way that can never be undone. You’re part angel! Would you really taint that with demonic essence? Who knows what consequences that would have? It could burn you. Or turn you into a monster. It would certainly cost you your position with the Clave. It’s not worth it, Alexander!”

Each word hurt like a knife to his chest, but it had to be said.

“What’s wrong with-” Alec mumbled, then stopped. Then started again. “I wouldn’t interweave my soul with a demon, for God’s sake, but with _you_! You may have demon blood in your veins but the way you love and care for others, the way you fight for what you believe is right, _that’s_ your soul, Magnus. There is nothing demonic about it, and even if there were, I love you just the way you are and nothing about who and what you are could ever hurt me!”

Magnus had to close his eyes at that. His lips pressed together into a thin line.

Tears burned in his eyes.

And that tiny flame deep inside him burned a little brighter. But it couldn’t. He couldn’t allow himself to hope. Couldn’t allow himself to be selfish.

“I don’t care about what the Clave might say or do. This is about _us_! And Magnus, I promise you, if you ever imply again that you’re a monster I swear I’m gonna smack you in the back of your head!”

Dear Lord, he loved that man so damn much, he wanted to grab him and kiss him senseless. And never, ever let him go again. Instead he barely looked at him, only imagined the way that deep line had probably already settled between Alec’s eyebrows, judging from his exasperated tone. He turned again, frantic and desperate and needy. His magic prickled in his fingers, just as restless. A vase started shaking on its pedestal.

“Look, didn’t you tell me about this friend of yours who was part warlock, part shadowhunter? If that combination _is_ possible, then there’s no reason to worry about _this_.”

“She said she didn’t know what would happen to us, since no non-seelie has ever done this.”

Alec chuckled. _Chuckled_. “That’s not what she said, though, isn’t it?” He then turned sober again. “She said she didn’t know in what way our bond would manifest. It might connect us body and soul and give us the ability to communicate telepathically like it does to seelies. Or it might just tether our life forces together, keeping me at your side for as long as you live.”

Magnus swallowed against the lump in his throat. “You would die the moment I die, no matter if it’s tomorrow or in a thousand years,” he rasped. He couldn’t bare the thought of being the reason for Alexander’s death.

Alec was suddenly right in front of him, blocking his path. His hands settled on his shoulders. He felt trapped by it.

“Magnus, look at me!”

Against better judgement he did. The look in Alexander’s eyes made his heart melt and his chest tight. So open and sad and honest.

He wanted to flee.

He wanted to get closer and drown in those eyes.

“I told you before,” Alec said. “I can’t live without you. And I don’t want to.”

He should argue with that. Should tell him otherwise. That life was too precious to tie it all on just one person.

But he couldn’t.

“I don’t want to live without you, either.”

“Magnus-”

“The Queen was right, Alexander. Losing you one day, it’s… I don’t think I could face a single day knowing you’re dead, let alone all of eternity. I just can’t.”

Strong arms wrapped around him all of a sudden and he found himself on the receiving end of a tight hug. Alec’s breath tickled the short hairs behind his ear as he spoke. “Well, it’s a good thing then, that our lives would be tied together either way. We’d have all the time in the world, together. And if the worst should happen… well, it seems not even death would be able to part us.”

There’s that smile in his voice again. That smile that nudged that flame of hope in his chest.

If only he could snuff it out and be rid of that pain.

If only he could selfishly embrace it and nurture it into a roaring flame.

Didn’t Alexander understand? Immortality wasn’t a gift!

He pulled back, back from the embrace, back from Alexander. He had to if he wanted to have any chance at doing the right thing.

And it was the right thing.

He couldn’t be selfish. Not now. Not with what’s at stake.

Oh, but he wanted to. He _wanted_ to.

Alec’s frown deepened as he stepped back and turned away, effectively shaking off the last remaining touch that connected them. “Magnus, what-- I don’t understand! This is- In about ten hours the magic in the blossom will dissipate. A chance like this will never come again. So why-” His voice broke. There was a sharp inhale and a shaky exhale. “Why don’t you want me around forever? Immortal like you?”

Magnus couldn’t stand that terrible hurt that oozed out of every last syllable. Couldn’t stand to hear it, so in hindsight, looking up at Alec was probably a stupid idea. Because _looking_ at it, at the pain of rejection glistening wetly in his eyes, at the total lack of understanding, was so much worse. It robbed him of his last breath, his chest so tight his lungs refused to work.

And it had been _his own_ doing that put that kind of pain in those beautiful eyes.

Something in him snapped.

“ _Of course_ I want you by my side forever!” His voice boomed as he whirled around again, his hands flying wildly to press the message home. Blue magic swirled around his fingers, just as wild and all over the place as his emotions.

Somewhere behind him something exploded into a million pieces.

“I don’t want to lose you decade by decade, watching the life bleed out of you year by year while I stay the same. I don’t-- Alexander, even the thought, the _possibility_ of a forever with you-- But I can’t ask this of you! I just can’t! I can’t rip you away from your family like that. From your sister. _From your parabatai_. I can’t-”

“Hey!”

Alec was suddenly there, right in front of him, his rough voice so soft and warm and caring, like the gentlest of caresses.

Magnus couldn’t take it.

_Selfish! So selfish!_

He pressed his eyes shut. He could still feel him, smell him. So close and yet so far away. So close and yet not close enough.

Calloused hands cupped his face, so gentle as if Alec was afraid he might break. Maybe he would.

Maybe he already had.

His long fingers rested against his neck, warm and reassuring, while his thumbs stroked across his cheeks. And came away wet.

When had he started to cry?

“Just breathe, okay?” And he found that he could. So he did. First one shaky breath, then another. “Good. Now look at me, Magnus! Please.”

His eyes opened on their own accord, looking up at his husband, taking him in. Already he’d changed so much since the day they’d met. The lines of his chin and jaw more defined, the first laughter lines visible around his eyes. Tiny still, but yet a reminder that time flies.

There was something bright in Alec’s eyes, almost gleaming.

“Do you want me?”

His heart beat heavily against his ribs, each thump echoing in his ears. And he heard himself answer, his voice hoarse and barely above a whisper: “More than anything in this world, but-”

Warm lips were suddenly on his, kissing him ever so softly. Slowly. A quiet fervor tangible underneath every motion. Reverent and passionate at the same time.

And some of that nervous energy within him just melted away. His shoulders sagged and he took an involuntary step closer. One of Alec’s hand let go of his face and wrapped around him. Held him close.

He wanted to sink into those arms and forget about everything.

He could have this forever.

He _wanted_ this forever.

He wanted this so badly. But he didn’t dare hope.

It’s hard and he’s not sure how he did it, but he put his hands on Alec’s chest and pushed him away, just enough to stop the kiss. To look at him again and finally drive the message home.

“But what about Izzy? What about Jace? Your parabatai bond would most likely dissolve. I don’t want you to-”

“Magnus.” Again those big hands that he knew every inch of closed around his face and held him in place. Alec leaned closer. “I would need to speak with Jace, of course, but- we’ve always been closer than brothers, even before our bond. We’ll stay just as close without it. Jace knows me in a way that no one else does. And he knows what it’s like to share a bond like this. If anyone will understand then it’s probably him!”

The flame in his chest flared, just a bit. Careful. Hesitant.

But it burned brighter nonetheless.

“You’re right. I love my family, my friends. But this isn’t about them. It’s about you and me, Magnus. And _I love you,_ more than anything.”

There’s an intensity in Alec’s eyes that he’d never seen before. It sent shivers down his spine.

In the end it’s just four words. So full of conviction.

“I want this, Magnus!”

And the flame erupted into a blazing fire.

 

_to be continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow the epilogue will follow.
> 
> For those of you who celebrate Christmas (and who celebrate it on the 24th): Happy Christmas!  
> For those who celebrate tomorrow... wait till tomorrow ;)  
> And for those who don't celebrate Christmas: I hope you have a lovely day! :D


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for all those of you who celebrate Christmas today on the 25th: Happy Christmas!

 

“Uncle Magnus?”

“Huh?” He turned around to find big, dark eyes looking up at him. “Hey my little Jelly Bean, shouldn’t you be in bed already?”

He put his glass down on the nearest flat surface and reached down to lift the little girl up into his arms. She clutched a stuffed wolf against her pink pajamas and looked at him with that adorable little pout that seemed to be deeply rooted into the genetic make-up of the Lightwood family. “Where’s Uncle Alec? He promised a bedtime story.”

“Did he? And now he’s hiding from you? From the most beautiful girl in the room? How rude of him!” She giggled. “You should make him tell you two stories for that!”

“He really should, that mean old uncle!”

“Izzy,” he said in greeting, as she stepped up to the two of them, stunning as always in her dark blue dress, her dark and accurately colored hair falling in soft waves across her shoulders. Not for the first time that night he thought that she looked exactly like Maryse had, especially in that outfit.

She smiled at him, then turned her attention to the little one, all the while reaching out and taking her into her own arms. “How about I get you a nice cup of warm milk while Magnus here goes looking for Uncle Alec, hm?”

The little Jelly Bean nodded quite enthusiastically – and not at all tired as it seemed. “Can I have honey, Grandma?”

Izzy frowned, seemingly contemplating this very carefully. The creases on her brow cut much deeper into her skin than he remembered. “Alright, but don’t tell your mother!”

They already turned towards the kitchen, when she looked back over her shoulder at him. There’s a touch of concern in her dark eyes. “I saw him outside.”

He nodded. He already knew, but there was no need telling her.

He always knew where Alexander was. The knowledge written like an ever changing script into the very fabric of his heart. His eyes crossed the big living room full of people, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike. Jace was stealing another peace of Izzy’s birthday cake, the one with the big 60 on top, his balding head hard to miss. Before he got one piece, though, Clary appeared out of nowhere and snatched the plate right out of his hand. Some of the kids were dancing. Simon, Madzie and Izzy’s son were currently laughing at some story from the seelie girl Clary’s daughter has been dating for a few weeks now.

Magnus crossed the room, raising an amused eyebrow at Jace’ desperate fight for the piece of cake. Upon crossing the impromptu dancefloor he grabbed one of the dancing boys by the hand, swirling him around in an unexpected, tight spin that made him laugh until ‘Dammit Magnus, I had three glasses of punch already!’.

“Not my problem.” He grinned, but he did stop and headed for the French window.

Once outside he closed it behind him.

And the noise from the party died down to nothing but a pleasant background hum.

It was a beautiful night. No cloud in sight, the moon bright and beautiful. The lights of the city below radiated in accordance with the light from the stars above. It was a bit chilly maybe. Which wasn’t unwelcome after the heat inside and the warm buzz of alcohol in his veins.

Alec wasn’t hard to find, the balcony wasn’t that big. He stood at the other end, where the light from the living room didn’t reach. A lone silhouette in the dark.

Magnus bit his lip.

It wasn’t easy to see the ones you love grow older and older. He knew that more than anyone, but it was still new for Alec. Magnus’ thumb was rubbing the inside of his left wrist again. It was such an unconscious motion he barely ever spotted the beginning of it, only noticed it some time along the way. He traced the image of the hibiscus flower there, outlined by a faint silvery line. Their bond was silent at the moment, humming calmly, simply making it’s presence known, but nothing more. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing. Just because his husband wasn’t overwhelmed with grief or sadness that would’ve spilled over their bond immediately, didn’t mean that this didn’t affect him.

He stepped away from the door and crossed the balcony. There was no need to make his footsteps heard, Alec knew already that he was here, feeling him just the way Magnus felt him.

The Queen’s gift might not have granted them a telepathic bond like it did to seelies – which, to be honest, he wasn’t unhappy about at all – but it had given them this inbuilt knowledge of the other’s whereabouts – Alec liked to call it ‘his Magnus GPS’.

That, and a connection that wasn’t unlike a parabatai bond, according to Alec.

Alexander was a part of him now in a way he’d never thought possible and couldn’t describe. And yet, somehow, it felt as if this was exactly how it was meant to be.

“I heard someone promised a young lady a bedtime story and then vanished into thin air.”

“Is it that late already?”

“You noticed the darkness around you, right?” he teased, though he couldn’t help the unease settling into his stomach.

Alec hasn’t moved so far, still staring at the city below. Magnus doubted that he saw any of it.

He stepped up behind him, slid his hands around his husband’s waist and leaned his chin on his shoulder. His nose nudged against his neck, the smell of his own cologne mixed with simply Alec tickled his nose in the most delicious way.

“You okay?”

Alec nodded. “Yeah.” But his hands ran down Magnus’ arms until they covered his hands, warm and sure, and he leaned back against him, relaxing into his embrace. His words said ‘yes’, but his body said ‘no’. The truth was somewhere in between, he knew.

“It’s just- 60, Magnus. I never thought we’d even reach that age. Not all of us anyway. And now-- she looks like she could be my mother.”

Magnus sighed, rubbing circles into Alec’s stomach with his thumbs. “The passing of time is always such an abstract thing until we’re faced with it up close. I know this must be hard for you, Alexander. And I’m sorry.”

Alec snuggled closer. “I’m not.”

That surprised him.

“She’s got a great husband and two amazing kids. And this absolutely adorable grandkid. She’s happy, Magnus. They all are.”

Silence fell over them. A car honked in the distance, laughter from a group of guys traveled up through the air. And the soft, but cold breeze slowly but surely threatened his skin with goosebumps.

_They all are_.

The words resounded in his head. He couldn’t help asking back: _are you? Are you happy?_

Part of him knows the answer. The other part still needed to hear it.

His voice was barely more than a whisper. And the question that came out was a different one, although, in some ways it probably _was_ just the same.

“Do you regret it?”

Alec turned in his embrace, his face pale against the background of the night. Beautiful. He was absolutely beautiful. Especially with that little smile on his lips. It might be small, but it was that little fond smile he only ever showed when he was content. _Happy!_

“No.” Alec tilted his head a bit, just enough to press a kiss to his lips. Or more like the promise of a kiss. “Never.”

The darkness of the night enveloped them like a blanket as they stood there and kissed each other. Gentle and slow and warm. There was no rush. Not for them.

Well…

Magnus pulled back, albeit reluctantly. “You should better go, the little Jelly Bean is still waiting for her stories.”

Alec frowned. “Stor _ies_?”

He shrugged, trying for an innocent expression, but failed. Not that he’d tried very hard. Where would be the fun in that?

“Magnus? What did you do?”

He grinned. Or maybe it was a smirk? “I might have convinced the little one that she deserves at least two stories now.”

“Magnus!”

“What? You stood her up! That’s no way to treat a lady. Especially not one as adorable as her!”

Alec stared at him in disbelief. Then huffed a laugh and ducked down a bit. “Alright. Fair enough.” He grabbed for Magnus’ hand and pulled him back towards the door and back inside. He didn’t let go as they crossed their friends or the cake or the dancefloor, instead tugging him out of the living room and into the hallway.

Magnus frowned, holding his hand up and pointing it back towards the party. “Um-- “

Alec turned, mischief glinting in his eyes. “What? You thought I’d let you go back to your Martini and that ridiculous dance-off Simon challenged you to? Oh no! _You_ , Mr. Lightwood-Bane, promised a second story to a girl who is insatiable when it comes to stories. You might as well help!”

With a melodramatic sigh he yielded up to his fate.

Utterly content with himself and the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed the story!  
> Thank you all for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Penny for your thoughts?!


End file.
